Kid, You Don’t Always Get a Trophy

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Moms and Dads, I need your help. Please, PLEASE, stop acting like your child just won the World Series while they stood in the left-field picking their nose as their team lost the game. On the same note, don’t tell them they should get a prize for trying. All this bombastic praise is raising a generation (or two or three) of entitled, impatient, aren’t I the most fabulous children that don’t know the first thing about surviving in the real world. Now before you stop reading, thinking I am the meanest mom in the world, allow me to say this. I love praising my children when it is merited. They do not get a parade for picking their shoes off the floor, they do not get a plaque to hang on the wall for completing their homework, and they do not deserve a trophy for losing. They don’t.

How can our children learn to process disappointment, anger, sadness, and all those scary and ugly feelings if we don’t let them? It sucks, I know, I have watched my son cry because the camp he was looking forward to all summer was canceled. I have seen him stomp his feet in anger and frustration because he couldn’t quite get the new skateboarding trick. I had to explain to him that he wasn’t cast in the first play he auditioned for and really wanted to do. Instead of blaming someone or something else, telling him he was the greatest skateboarder ever or really deserved the part in the play over the other boy, I told him the truth. Crazy right?

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I explained camp was canceled due to coronavirus that it was out of our control, and it is really disappointing, but some things we can’t change. I acknowledged his frustration with the skateboard and told him that the only way to get better was to practice and keep working hard, and I also acknowledged his effort. That’s different than blind, blanketed praise. I didn’t tell him he deserved something or was owed something, I said to him that I could see how hard he was trying and if he kept at it; eventually, he would get there. And when it came to the rejection from the play, as a performer, I had been there more times than anyone can count, and I said it sucks, it hurts, but it’s the way it goes. You wait for the next opportunity, and you try, and you try, and you try. As the saying goes, you fail 100% of the time you don’t try.

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What you DO want to praise and encourage is their effort, hard work, determination, and insight. The key is to be specific. Tell them WHAT they did that caught your attention. Then, help them problem-solve to get to the next step. “You did a lot of research on your planet project, I saw you reading all those books from the library. Since you didn’t get the grade you were expecting, what do you think you could have done differently?” In one fell swoop, you validated their effort and work and opened the door to help them do better next time.

As parents, we want our children to have the sun the moon, and yes, throw the stars in too. We don’t want them to feel disappointment or shame or anger; how else will they learn? If we take every upset away and make them think they should always win despite lack of effort, natural talent, or unforeseen circumstances, how will they grow? If we hand them everything instead of teaching them the value of hard work, how will that benefit them? The best thing we can do as parents is to embrace the difficult times that come their way and use them as teachable moments. I know it’s not easy, but they will thank you later.

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ADHD and My Child: the battle with healthcare

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My youngest son is the equivalent to the Tasmanian Devil at times, and I don’t mean the actual animal that lives in the bush, I mean that little cartoon guy that just spun everywhere and caused destruction in his path. It has been a challenge dealing with his lack of control at times, but there is only so much control he has. At the age of 5 he was diagnosed with ADHD, and it’s severe. As an early childhood educator I knew something was off developmentally a few years earlier but ADHD and ADD are not typically diagnosed until school age. All we knew was that he was struggling, a lot, in preschool due to his inability to keep his hands to himself, his lack of self control, outbursts both positive and negative, and the Tasmanian devil that seems to have inhabited his body.

After conducting research on my end, talking to his teacher and other professionals in the field, we came to the conclusion that he should be evaluated for ADHD. Luckily for us, his pediatrician also turned out to be the leading expert on ADHD in the area. That gave us extra peace of mind as we went through this process. After meeting with the doctor privately and conducting evaluations with our son we decided we would try medication. Deciding to use medication was not a snap decision. We had heard horror stories about children turned into zombies and the last thing we wanted was for him to lose was his spark. When he is not in tailspin mode destroying all in site he is an intelligent, funny and entertaining kid.

He wanted his hair to look like Sonic the Hedgehog this summer!

My son loves Michael Jackson and Bon Jovi. He was so obsessed with the Broadway Musical Newsies that the age of 3 he was the main character, Jack Kelly for Halloween. He’s creative and silly but he also has no impulse control, yells his favorite phrase “Booty-Butt” without warning at the top of his lungs, and used to greet people by hitting them in the crotch. Not forcefully, but enough to hurt, particularly if you were a man. We knew he couldn’t continue on this path and be successful. This wasn’t just your typical case of a child gone wild. I am a career expert in Early Childhood, his father has an undergraduate degree in Psychology. We knew what we should be doing to help him and nothing seemed to work.

The first medication we tried him on cost a whopping $60 a month after insurance. $60 a month for something my child needed to function. We saw results but he was still struggling. Especially as the evening wore on and the medication wore off. He became next to impossible to corral into anything productive. He started therapy with a psychologist and we were hoping to see major results. Unfortunately they seemed slow to come. On the upside he was getting much better reports from school and I was more confident about him starting kindergarten in the fall. At home he still wreaked havoc, knocked things over, ran around and caused general frustration for everyone.

Yes we tried discipline, time outs, meaningful chats, loss of privileges, positive re-direction. If it was in an expert handbook, we tried it. Nothing seemed to work for him. The only plan that has seemed to work is ignoring the negative behavior and over the top praise the positive choices. I have been reading the book Transforming the Difficult Child by Howard Glasser and his advice seems to be the first and only thing outside of medication that has had a positive effect on my son. And I love that feels built up by praise. I want to cheer him on and praise him and give him confidence, but there are only so many times I can hear “Booty-Butt” screamed at the top of his lungs while he claps his hands loudly. These aren’t discipline issue, these are impulse control issues. His brain is simply wired differently.

Amidst Cornoavirus shut-downs, he turned 6. We went in for his physical and I asked if there was something new we could try. After talking to me and performing the evaluation the doctor offered a new option. He said it was taken twice a day, was more potent and should have a more lasting effect. I was ecstatic. I went to get the prescription filled and they wanted $365. I’m sorry, for one month? On insurance?! That was simply not sustainable but my child potentially needed this to thrive. After frantic searching I found a manufacturer’s coupon that cut it down to $185 a month. The upside, it seems to be working wonders for him. I am seeing a more calm and engaged child. I am better able to hold conversations with him, and I see him able to focus for longer periods. In addition, it is not suppressing his appetite the way the first one was. These are all wins. The downside is I have to pay almost $200 a month for a medication, for a mainstream mental health disorder in order to help my child succeed and function they way a typical 6 year old should.

What does this say to you about America’s health care policies? Put simply, they are garbage. My son’s father is a doctor, he works for a major corporation, he should have top notch insurance, yet this is what he is offered. A plan that doesn’t even cover medications aimed at treating a common mental health disorder. It angers me and disgusts me. We are fortunate that while it’s not easy, we can afford to pay this amount each month to help our child, but what about all the people who can’t? Without insurance this same medication was over $600! As a mom and an educator I am calling out the U.S. Healthcare system and pharmaceutical companies. How dare you make billions each year and rake us over the coals for our basic needs. How do you expect America’s children to thrive and meet their potential when many don’t have access to their medication needs? It is an absolute travesty that in what is supposed to be the country of Freedom and Liberty the average American child does not have access nor can afford basic health care costs.

Art with Young Children

Arts and Crafts. That phrase probably revives memories of elementary school classrooms or summer camp. Being asked to wind yarn around Popsicle sticks glued together, or to paint a picture of the outdoors. More often than not cookie-cutter crafts and art projects would be produced, taken home to smiles from mom and dad and then eventually thrown away. Unless you are my mom, who apparently has boxes full of old items ready to be gifted back to my hands and out of her house. Why did we and do we continue to engage children in arts and crafts? The purpose surely cannot be so that can mass produce animal masks and dream catchers.

Early in my career as an educator I began thorough research into this topic and came across the phrase, “Process, not Product.” Put simply, this means your child’s process of creating the piece of art, or the craft is more meaningful and educational than the finished product. Isn’t that interesting? I thought it was. As a trained actor and musician the purpose of the finished product was to create something recognizable and enjoyable for the audience. What would “42nd Street” be without flashy costumes and tap shoes? Or what about a Mozart symphony where all the violins were flat. But then I thought about this further. Each performance of a piece, even with the same group of performers is never exactly the same. When a theatrical production is done by different directors, actors and producers it becomes it’s own entity, different from all that came before and will come after.

Then it made sense. As an actor learning my lines or my notes were only a part of the piece. Each show I have been in has taught me new words to add to my lexicon, a new technique or behinds the scene trick. With each show, I have learned something new through the process of creating the production.

So What’s the Process?

Open-ended art is a process of creating which allows free-range while creating. You create with what is available to you and possibly with no clear destination in mind. Open-ended art supplies are now common in a preschool or kindergarten classroom, including paper, markers, crayons, scissors, glue, stickers, stamps, paint, sequins etc. Children are free to create throughout the day. This type of art center can be easily made at home. Open-ended art allows children to use their imagination to explore and create without it having to be something. Young children who engage in art often don’t know what they are creating and will usually not decide if ever until they are completed.

What Are They Learning?

  • Problem Solving
  • Creative Expression
  • Critical Thinking
  • Mathematical and Spatial Reasoning
  • Science Skills

At Home

Our house is a well-spring of supplies and yours is too! Recyclables are some of the best items you can use and kids adore them! All of those empty cereal and snack boxes, catalogs you toss away, junk mail all can be used in open-ended art. If you are like me and believe an Amazon Delivery Away Keeps the Urge to Raid Target Away, save the boxes and let them use those! My youngest son has created rather elaborate forts of late out of boxes with just scissors and markers and my older son created airplanes and boats with empty 2-liter bottles, egg cartons, and cardboard. Consider collecting buttons, fabric scraps, string, twine, Popsicle sticks. If you can save it, they will use it.

Language Please!


At times our child’s art leaves us thinking… what is that?! Instead of asking your child, “What is that?” replace it with, “Can you tell me about what you made?” When we ask a child what their art is we immediately imply we can’t recognize it, aka, it’s not good. When you ask them about it you provide the opportunity for an open ended answer. Often when young children are engaged in art they don’t even know what they are making, so asking them what it is puts them on the spot, which is an uncomfortable position for children and adults alike! Follow up with further open-ended questions which will promote language skills and critical thinking. Some suggestions are

  • Can you tell me more about this blue line you drew?
  • I see you drew triangles, can you count them?
  • Why did you choose to use red and purple?
  • How does your drawing make you feel?

Accept the Mess


This can be the hardest part, but it should become our mantra to ensure our kids feel the freedom to create. This doesn’t mean we allow them to trash the kitchen with paint and glitter, but messes that occur as part of the natural process when making art are OK. Help your child build a sense of independence and responsibility by teaching them in clean up process. Breathe easy, go mediate in the next room is mess bothers you and allow the mess to happen, but make sure clean up is a group effort!

So grab the glue sticks and glitter because it’s time to get messy!

Kids & Yoga; put together and mix well


Yoga is an ancient Indian practice that was developed over 5,000 years ago by the Idus-Sarasvati civilization. Post-Classical Yoga, which was established sometime after 200 BC, was the beginning of what we in the west call yoga. As describe by Yoga Basics, “Yoga masters created a system of practices designed to rejuvenate the body and prolong life. They rejected the teachings of the ancient Vedas and embraced the physical body as the means to achieve enlightenment.”.

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The Modern Period and popularization of yoga in the west happened during the 1800s and 1900s when gurus started visiting western countries and attracting followers. Today, many of us in the west use yoga as a form of exercise and wellness. We participate in stretches and poses to relax and strengthen muscles also creates flexibility and develops balance and core strength. While yoga has been primarily thought of as an adult activity, I am here to educate on how beneficial it can be for children!

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Yoga provides the same benefits for children that it does for adults. A child who participates in yoga develops gross motor skills, core muscles, and balance. Yoga is an excellent tool to help children calm down and self-regulate. Most importantly, yoga is physical activity, which in today’s world of iPads, electronic devices, and sitting at a desk during school, is especially critical.

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My hands-down favorite for children’s Yoga is Cosmic Kids. These yoga journeys are not only physical movement, but they provide mindfulness and are presented through a story, which means they promote literacy as well! Triple score! I have used these repeatedly in my preschool classroom, and my two children, ages 9 and 6, love them as well. They have a story for just about every character and storyline you could think of. Have fun with your children, and jump in alongside them. Children are the epitome of Monkey See Monkey Do, they want to be just like the important adults in their lives. The bonus is you get a workout too! Not to mention, it is a fun way to bond. Some of them include bursts of running, jumping, and other cardio making it a whole body workout! Making fitness and wellness, a family affair has benefits for everyone.

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Statistic time! When children learn the importance of health and wellness at a young age, they are much more likely to continue those habits into adulthood. According to the CDC, 18.5% of children between the ages of 2-19 suffer from pediatric or childhood obesity. Those are staggering numbers. With the technology available at every turn, it can be difficult to entice children away from those devices. Therefore, I say make the devices part of the routine. Use sites like Cosmic Kids, GoNoodle, and artists such as Jack Hartman and The Learning Station to engage your children in an activity, movement, and song. Many of these videos are available free on YouTube!

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Get up and get moving! Teach your child the healthy benefits of yoga and exercise, and have fun at the same time!

Daughter to Disability; my one of a kind Dad

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My dad was always my number one fan and believed I could accomplish anything and everything. The best piece of advice he gave me was to try. I did not have to be the world’s best ballet dancer or the kid who scored the most goals on the soccer team, but if I was interested in something, I should try. If I hated it or failed, no big deal, I could stop, but only once the initial commitment came to a natural end. I didn’t have to be the best, i just had to try my best.

By encouraging me to carry on and follow through on a commitment, I learned the value of perseverance and honor. Staying true to your word is a valuable trait I hold onto to this day. It also means saying no when you know you can’t follow through. Saying yes to everything because you don’t want to let people down is a slippery slope to go down.

Germany, Summer 1996

I have many fond memories of my dad as a child, playing Wiffle ball in the backyard, being thrown in the air in the pool, and him allowing me and my sisters to style his hair with barrettes until he looked fabulous according to under ten selves. My dad was a loving but firm dad. He gave support, guidance, love, but we also knew when we crossed the line and would be subjected to a good old fashioned “dad talk.”

My dad was an FBI agent, which made him one of the coolest dads to have among my friends. I remember the sense of pride I felt when he would be a chaperone on a field trip come in for career day. I looked up to my dad in a way, and I imagine most young girls do. I was never a popular kid, geeky, awkward, and little chunky, but when my dad was around, I felt like the most popular kid in school.

Two of my favorite memories of my dad are related to those “serious” topics of drugs and dating. I remember he was sitting at our giant desktop computer in the living area, and I was in the kitchen microwaving something, and on the T.V., a commercial about talking to your kids about drugs came on. My dad looked up from the computer and said, “Do you do drugs?” I was roughly thirteen or fourteen at the time, I said, “No.” and he replied “Ok, good.” and that was that. The second was that he used to tell my older sister that he used his FBI skills to track any guy she dated. I was pretty sure this was false at the time, but I remember thinking, “Yikes!”

My dad had an excellent sense of humor and loved to pull our legs, as the expression goes. In the summer of ’92, we took a family vacation to Washington, D.C., and among the famous sites, he arranged a private tour of FBI headquarters for us. Little did I know that 15 years later, I would be living in D.C. and working two blocks from these same headquarters. During the tour, we were taken down to a basement level and told that this is where the Xfiles were kept!! It wasn’t until several years later that I realized there were indeed no Xfiles…. at least that we know of 😉

2008

My dad loved Indiana Jones, MacGyver, Crime dramas, Andrew Llyod Webber musicals, playing his guitar, and supporting his three girls in all our adventures, whether sports, musical theater, or learning a new instrument. He built us a treehouse and a lemonade stand. We went to Phillies games and out on daddy-daughter dates.

Circa 1983

In my early teens, my dad was diagnosed with Progressive Supranuclear Palsy, a condition being made more mainstream recognizable by the new T.V. show, Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist. PSP is a condition that slowly creates the loss of your motor skills. It affects one’s ability to eat and swallow food, speak, walk, and perform essential functions for yourself. Over the next two decades, my dad held on much longer than any medical expert predicted. He carried on through bouts of pneumonia, a broken hip and pelvis, seizures, and depression. He received the diagnosis in his 40’s, much younger than people are typically affected. But even through this massive change in his and my family’s life, he continued to take joy in life and to be his children’s number one fan.

2012

I cannot even begin to imagine what it must have been like for him to go through this process, to experience the loss of the use of your body, nor would I try. But despite the adversity, my family and my dad had to overcome; I can say I was lucky to have the dad I did.

Happy Father’s Day to all the incredible men out there that make a difference in a child’s life, your presence matters.

To learn more about PSP please click here.

Shoo Fly! Well Actually, Mosquito.

Ahhh summer, beautiful weather, swimming in the pool, ice-cold treats, trips to the beach, and MOSQUITOES! I have been blessed by what is known as “sweet blood,” the old wives tale way of saying you have the blood mosquitoes want. But what does that really mean? Why are mosquitoes seemingly more attracted to one person over another? And what can you do, if, like me, you are filled with that mosquito loving sweet blood?

My children, much like me, seem to be at the top of the mosquitoes menu every time we venture outside. I spent a mere 10 minutes outside the other day topping off our pool and came in with more bites than I could count on my legs, and I was wearing long (but loose) pants! I sent them outside to play one afternoon because, quite honestly, they were driving me nuts. A few minutes later, they were back inside, begging to stay in with legs that look like they have been used for target practice. No offense to the brand OFF! But when we use it, it’s like we never put it on.

All of this lead me to do some in-depth research about mosquitoes and ways to keep them at bay.

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First the Facts

Only female mosquitos bite, so the next time you get bitten, just slap it away and yell, “Get off, bitch!!” It won’t stop the bugs from eating you alive, but it may make you feel better. The reason they bite is that they need the protein in our blood to feed their eggs.

Mosquitos are attracted to some over others, but not due to your blood, it’s your metabolic rate that really gets them excited! Drinking alcohol, being overweight, exercising, and being pregnant are all things that raise your metabolic rate. No wonder we all get bit standing poolside drinking a beer!

What Can You Do?

Expert advice also recommends wearing lighter colors as mosquitos can’t see well and are more attracted to dark shadows. Another idea is aiming a small fan at you as they can’t fly in winds faster than 1 mph.

Mosquitos are most active at dawn and dusk, although I seem to get bit no matter what time of day, so avoiding outside around those times could prove helpful.

Wearing bug spray, citronella candles, and bug zappers may be enough for some. But for me, one step outside and ZOINK! I’ve been hit.

Since I love essential oils, I decided to look into which ones work best against mosquitos. Turns out, I had everything I needed already in my home! Tea Tree Oil, Lavender, Peppermint, and Rosemary are just a few of the scents that these little bugs hate. So, yesterday afternoon when I went out to watch my kids splash around, I dropped a few drops of each onto a cotton swab and rubbed my ankles, neck, and arms. Viola! Not one new bite!

These same scents are also anti-inflammatory and can help soothe those itchy bites once you have them. So what did I do? I took about a quarter cup of coconut oil and added several drops of lavender, rosemary, and tea tree oil and rubbed it all over my bug-bitten legs. It wasn’t instantaneous magic, but about a half an hour later I noticed, I wasn’t itchy anymore. That and I also smelled fabulous.

Tea tree oil also discourages ticks, and after finding one on myself last week and one on my son this morning, I am ready to bathe in that stuff. I have a large leafy backyard that is attached to a nature preserve. Ticks happen. And as much as I love attempting to detach a tick from a screaming 6-year old who happens to be deathly afraid of bugs, I want to keep them at bay.

Peppermint oil is also fantastic at deterring ants and spiders. I use that inside my house around windows and door frames. It is a safe and natural solution you can use inside without all those nasty bug fumes.

Since I would like to continue to enjoy the outdoors, I am going to keep playing around with the recipe for my own natural bug deterrent and hopefully make it through the summer with my legs still in one piece!

I would love to hear from others who have had success with homemade remedies either as a deterrent or as a relief for bug bites!

It’s OK to be scared, I am too.

I was recently researching a writing project, and I came across the term Re-Entry Panic Syndrome. I had not heard of this, and as I read, I began to relate to the feelings being characterized by the syndrome. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge created this name, and it addresses anxiety pertaining to concerns of re-entering the workplace. Dr. Capanna-Hodge is a mental health expert based out of Connecticut. She describes the syndrome as follows, “… it is when feelings of panic come over you like a wave and you can’t leave your home, or you have to return to work or school. You are afraid of leaving your cozy quarantine abode because you don’t want to get sick or feel unsafe.” I totally get that. It is not that I don’t want to be out in public, and I miss my students terribly, but there is a sense of worry and fear about what will happen if I go out?

Being “blessed” with diagnosed anxiety, it made sense to me that I would exhibit some of the symptoms related to Re-Entry Syndrome. I had already been feeling this dread of going back to the world. I am an introvert by nature, and because of that, I have not found quarantine to be as challenging as many others. That, unlike having anxiety, indeed, has been a blessing. We had a COVID-19 related scare in my house recently, just when everything is supposed to be dying down and becoming safer. Thankfully, the test results came back negative. Still, the fact remains, coronavirus is very much alive and thriving in parts of this country, so why would I want to go out?

Add to that, I have young children. And while I understand completely that deaths related to COVID-19 are substantial to the adult side, why take the risk? I do not personally believe I suffer from this syndrome. People I know and love have been working this whole time or have returned to work, but I am decidedly worried and cautious. I would be able to return to work without adverse psychological effects but currently, my children have no one to watch them and nowhere to go. Three of the four summer camps I enrolled my older son in this summer have been canceled, and I have no option for my younger son. It’s not exactly like I can leave a six-year-old boy and nine-year-old boy home during the day… I am sure nothing bad would happen. Oh yeah, it’s also illegal. In the words of Olaf, “This is fine.”

Like anxiety and panic disorders, those who have Re-Entry Panic Syndrome may have shortness of breath, sweating, nausea, difficulty sleeping, mood fluctuation, and irritability. However, the unique symptom is becoming upset, stressed, and worrisome when someone close to them re-enters and goes back to work. If you believe you are suffering from these symptoms, there are many steps you can take to help set your mind at ease. Use disinfectant wipes if you travel via public transportation or in a carpool. Wear your mask as much as you like, even in places it is not required. If it makes you feel mentally secure, then wear it. As we’ve been told all long, wash your hands frequently and avoid touching your eyes, nose, mouth, and face. A key point is to remember is germs on electronics. Frequently clean your phone, mouse, TV remote, keypad, etc. If wearing gloves makes you feel safe, then do that too, but please keep in mind wearing gloves and a mask are not a fail-safe prevention system. Gloves serve little to no purpose unless you are taking them off each time you touch something and then wash your hands immediately. When wearing gloves as soon as you touch a surface, any germs that were on that surface are now on your gloves. So guess what? The next thing you touch now has those same germs. I have worked in early childhood for fourteen years; trust me, gloves are not a magical intervention. Please wash your hands.

If you feel you need to talk to someone or may require professional help, you can go to the Anxiety and Depression Society of America or the ADAA’s website. It offers resources and a directory if you want to search for treatment in your area. Providers offer video and/or phone sessions. You can also reach out to the SAMHSA’s 24/7 hotline at 1-800-622-4357. Anxiety Anonymous is another resource if you want to reach out and talk to others. They are currently holding daily sessions to which you can call in and participate.

Re-entry panic syndrome, depression, general anxiety, whatever the case may be, it is OK to seek help. The recent situations in America have made us all feel uneasy, broken, confused, angry, and more. To quote my favorite musical, “Into the Woods,” No one is alone. If you know of someone to whom this post may be of value to, please pass it along and share it. For more information on Re-Entry Syndrome, please visit Dr. Capanna-Hodge’s website here.

Cooling the Cabin Fever in the Summer Sun

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Summer is just about upon us, and with the stay at home orders lifting all around the country, parents and kids alike are ready to get out and have some fun! If cabin fever has your boiling, here is list of easy, low cost and fun ideas for everyone!

Make popsicles! Fresh fruit slices and juices make a delicious and healthy treat that everyone can participate in and enjoy. All you need is a pop mold, sticks and your choice of fruits and juices. Moms and Dads make your own special adult ones by adding some vodka or rum!

Create a water and ball pit for the kids to splash and play in. All you need is a large plastic kiddies pool, water, some beach toys, and those small plastic balls known and loved by children for generations.

Watch science sites for news of any meteor showers, lay out a blanket in the backyard and catch some stars. Or, you can simply sit outside and star gaze and look for constellations.

Have a movie night in the backyard! Buy a plain white sheet and a movie projector and enjoy some family fun outside. Home movie projectors go for about $120 on Amazon.

Learn a new game! Purchase a croquet or badminton set and have fun honing your athletic skills.  Bean bag tosses, ultimate Frisbee, Cornhole, Ladder Toss and giant Jenga are all great options too!

Find a nature center and take a hike. You can use this opportunity to do a nature scavenger hunt, pack a picnic, or go wading through some streams.

Have a bubble party. Bubble machines make it easy to have bubbles go every direction. Pick a beautiful breezy day, stock up on bubbles and bubble machines, and have some fun!

Have a tie-dye session! Tie-dye kits are sold at just about every major retailer and online, add water and some white cotton clothing, and go for it! You can tie-dye shirts, bandannas, skirts, shorts; you name it!

Participate in a service project together. Many shelters and organizations that are collecting donations. Community parks and neighborhoods also have projects also need volunteers too. Contact a local group and teach your children the value of helping others.  

Support a local farmer’s market. Small businesses need support more than ever. Whether you are looking for the freshest strawberries, local honey, or hand made candles, your purchase will help those struggling to keep their business thriving.  

Big ideas or small summer is the time to get outside and enjoy family fun, and after being copped up for so long, we are all in need of a little sunshine and fresh air!

Children Will Listen

The year 2020 has been one of turmoil, unrest, and confusion. Parents are dealing with how to explain to their children the scary and unexplainable things they may have been experiencing. Whenever I think about teaching my children about a delicate matter, I am reminded of lyrics from one of my favorite musicals, Into The Woods, as sung by Barbra Streisand on her album, Back to Broadway. You can listen here.

How do you say to your child in the night

Nothing is all black, but then nothing is all white?

How do you say it will all be alright

When you know that it mightn’t be true?

What do you do?

We have all felt this moment, whether as a parent, grandparent, teacher, aunt, uncle, or babysitter. The unequivocal sense of, “What do I say?”

I have always been a firm believer in telling children the truth, even if it is difficult. That does not mean I tell them every intricate detail or things beyond their understanding, but I do always try to boil it down to their level so they can understand.

There is a picture of me facing the Lincoln Memorial right after I had participated in the Women’s March in January of 2017. My friend snapped it as I was standing there, looking at the Memorial, which has always been my favorite. My son often asks me why I have that photo. He has been asking since he was nearly 6, and he first saw it 3 1/2 years ago. My explanation has gotten more in-depth as time passed; it runs along the lines of this. “Mommy went to a march, a march is where a group of people who all believe in the same thing get together and walk. There were things mommy didn’t agree with happening in the country, so I participated to show I wanted things to change.”

My children have already experienced two of the “Big Issues”, parents may face; divorce of their parents, and the death of a pet. At no point did we exclude them from asking questions or explaining things to them. I was fortunate that my divorce was remarkably civil, and we remain friends. I was able to honestly and simply tell my children that Daddy and I decided we would be better as friends, and it’s true. They never saw any fights or disagreements (not that we had many). They saw a united front, and that is one of the most important things you can do.

This year alone, as if corona virus, schools closing, activities being canceled, and vacations hanging on by a thread were not enough to discuss with our kids, riots are happening throughout the country. I am not going to discuss the politics behind the riots, that not what this blog is about, but I bring them up as a current and frightening example of a situation children may have questions about. My partner and I have made a point of not discussing them when the youngest two are around or awake. But should they happen to see or hear something, I have had to think about what I would say? My children know racism is wrong, I have listened to my son make a comment about things he has heard in movies or on YouTube, proclaiming what the person said was racist, and he was right. Explaining riots is an entirely different and complex issue..  I can’t hand you a script and tell you what to say, but I can break down the guidelines you should use when talking to your child about a difficult situation. You will have to guide the conversation to reveal your morals and feelings, something which only you can do.

  1. Present a united front. No matter what you and your partner, spouse, ex-spouse, a grandmother who lives with you, etc. believe personally, you need to come to a consensus of what and how you will say things should a question arise.

2. Consider your child’s age, temperament, and ability to understand. You know your child best. There is nothing wrong with using concepts or words they do not know; you can expand their knowledge this way, but don’t delve too far beyond, or they may become more confused.

3. Take your current mind frame into account. If you are stressed, angry, sad, they will sense that, even if they are not exactly sure what they are sensing. Children are amazingly intuitive. It’s ok to say to your child, I want to answer your question, but I need about 5 minutes, then collect yourself.

4. Talk to your child about your feelings concerning an issue, ask how they are feeling, and then validate their feelings. If they have seen a frightening photo, focus on the people’s emotions rather than what is happening. Ask them to describe what they think people are feeling.

5. Remind your children they are safe. That you are there, and they can talk to you about anything. When my children come to me and say, “Mom, can I ask you something?” or “Mom, can I tell you something?” my answer is “Always.” Children need to know they can come to you for ANYTHING. If you instill that when they are young, by the time they reach the teens, they are much more likely to come to you when things like sex, drugs, and questionable activities arise.

6. There are children’s books on pretty much every sensitive topic out there, including death, divorce, racism, moving, class structure, bullying, diversity, etc. If you can’t find the words, books, and social stories can be a great resource.

There is no easy way to talk to our kids about some of the world’s events right now. Still, it is our job to do everything in our power to prepare, educate, support, and explain so that when the time comes, we can release them out into this maddening world and watch them fly.

Guide them but step away

Children will glisten

Tamper with what is true

And children will turn

If just to be free

Careful before you say

“listen to me.”

Children will listen…